Mark Hayward Is My Hero

Maybe I’m just getting bitter, but I used to really enjoy flying. Admittedly I have flown a lot, and anything loses its luster when you do it too much, but I really think something has changed with the whole experience of getting on an airplane.

I recently took a trip to Denver for a two-day gig. Despite the fact that nothing really went wrong, the portions of the trip that involved airplanes and airports were incredibly unpleasant. I drove to the Cincinnati airport, and easily found the remote parking lot. In fact, the shuttle bus was waiting for me as I closed my trunk. The parking people did a great job and were very efficient, but I was a little worried that I was going to get hassled about my carry-on hat box not qualifying as a “personal item”. I was also a little preoccupied with dealing with my new fold-up mini luggage cart that I bought in order to avoid the $25 fee for a second piece of checked luggage. Neither thing was a big deal, but they added a little stress to my life.

Check-in went smoothly, and there was no line, but I had to futz with my new cart (that I only bought to avoid airline fees), and that took a little time and added a little stress. The flight out was uneventful, but I was feeling especially crammed-in for some reason this time. There was a small touch screen in the back of the seat in front of me that allowed me to watch movies for free, and that was awesome… the high point of the flying experience for sure.

Once I got into Denver I had to find my rental car. (more…)

There is a new Service Plaza (and maybe several) on the Pennsylvania Turnpike (Hwy 76), and on my recent trip from Pittsburgh to New York I noticed the sign pictured above. Not only is there extra-special parking reserved for “Low-Emitting Fuel-Efficient Vehicles” but it is also right up front, next to the Handicap spaces. I was amazed.

I had heard about preferred parking for hybrid vehicles, but this was the first time I actually got to use it. On the way East I hadn’t noticed it until after I had parked, but on the way back I drove right up to the front and took my place on the “I am so special” throne.

The irony of it in my mind is that when I am on the road I actually prefer to park as far away from the building as possible so that I can get a little walking in and stretch my legs. My first thought was that most people driving super-efficient cars would also welcome the walk, but then I remembered that young, enviro-leaning, wiry , jumpy guys like myself are not the typical Toyota Prius drivers. Regardless, even if it’s just a parking space, I think it’s great to see official recognition that people driving fuel-efficient, low-emission vehicles are doing us all a favor.

My birthday was a few days ago, and it was a great one. I met the 3 Rivers Model A Ford Restorers Club at Kennywood (the local amusement park) early in the morning, and we all drove our antique cars onto the park grounds so that the patrons could see them. We were invited there as a part of Kennywood’s “Celebrate Pittsburgh’s 250th Anniversary” week, so everyone in our cars got in free, and each car got an additional 4 free day passes to use another time. It was a total coincidence that it fell on my birthday, but I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

We were led onto the grounds by a staff member in his car, and it was like our own personal secret parade, since the grounds were still closed and no one was watching. Once we were parked, the club members all took turns watching the cars so that people could get out and enjoy the rides and other things going on in the park. It actually worked out better than I had expected. Some of the older members in the club really just wanted to hang out by the cars anyway, so the younger members were free to go on rides. It was awesome. We had to be back at our cars by 5:00 to exit the park, but if we had wanted to we could have re-entered with a hand stamp.

Kennywood is a great park. It’s not very big, but they have done a fantastic job of packing in the rides. There are a ton of roller coasters in addition to all the other kinds of rides. There are only two steel coasters, all the rest are wood, and can be a little abusive in the way they rattle you around. I now understand why Kennywood is the favorite park of my coaster-enthusiast friend Chris LaReau. He prefers the rides that knock you around, so there is plenty of action for him at Kennywood. My favorites were Ghostwood Estate, a modern day version of the interactive shooting gallery, and the Exterminator, where your car actually plays the role of a mutant rat that scurries around and twists and turns in the dark. Amazing.

On the way home it became painfully clear that I had not yet succeeded in fixing the exhaust leak in the engine of the Model A. Lenore and I both arrived home with Carbon Monoxide headaches and a little nausea, so I vowed that I would not drive the car again until that was fixed. On to another Model A maintenance saga….

For those of us who have to pay quarterly estimated taxes, this is a big day.  Well, really it’s big only if you forget.  I didn’t.  So it’s cool.

I went down to Indianapolis this weekend for the Mid East Classic Yo-yo Contest (MEC). It was fun. The level of players who were there was really high, and although there were a good number of players, the audience for the contest was smaller than we had hoped. Takeshi was the organizer, and he decided to try out a new bracketed judging system that seemed to work out really well. I am very interested to see how people felt about it overall.  From the stand point of the non-yo-yo player spectator, this system is vastly more interesting to watch, so it was a shame that there weren’t more  people there to see it all.

While there was a little bit of Battletop, we didn’t have enough players to have a real battle, but that didn’t stop me from destroying my friend Jon-bot.

You might notice that I threw the top so hard that the tip actually stuck all the way through the Frisbee that we were using as an arena. That’s right… I’m a powerful, powerful man, and I’ve got skills. You might also notice that Jon-bot is in the background crying. Battletop is a cutthroat business.

After obsessing over them for four days, I have finally finished my two cars for Threadless’ big Pinewood Derby race next weekend. I made one car to follow the rules, and I made another one just to create excitement and mayhem. I was able to stop by the Chicago office to drop off my cars since my wife and I are on our way to WI for Mother’s Day.

“One Track Mind” – the paint is actually a really nice gold metallic flake, it just doesn’t show up very well in these photos.

This second car is called “Sour Grapes”. It has the mechanism from two mousetraps mounted on top, with drywall screws attached to the killing arms. There is a string from one wheel to the trigger, so that when the car rolls it sets off the traps, and the drywall screws destroy the cars in the adjacent lanes so that no one can win. I made it because I figured it would be funny, and the threadless people would have a good time with it while running the race.  I hope that threadless has a couple of unfinished car kits that they can run with my killer car so that there is no damage done to the really nice entries from other people.

The big silver hinges on the side of the car are just to add weight. In the first version of this car, the force of the traps firing would lift the whole car off the track, and not do any damage to the neighboring cars. I had to weigh it down just to keep it on the ground.

Today Vader and I flushed out a turkey and a snake at the dog park.  Vader saw the turkey, but not the snake.  I’m still curious how he’s going to react to seeing a snake.  Then, a little later, when Vader came out of the brush I was looking him over for ticks, and I found a tiny little baby praying mantis.  It was really cute.

I had lunch at a Pittsburgh tradition today: Primanti’s. I met my new magician friend Doc Dixon at the Carson St location. Thankfully he warned me in advance that the sandwiches come with the fries and coleslaw in the sandwich!

Without his warning I think I might have been traumatized. We had a nice lunch, and then hung out at the magic shop for a little while. I hooked Doc up with the skinny on which paddleball he needed, and he’s pretty excited about the prospect of a new toy.

The proof is in the picture. Last Friday I got to perform at the annual banquet of the Greater Pittsburgh Magic Network (GPMN), and it was in a real, live castle. Ok, it was a modern castle, and it wasn’t alive, but still.

First there was a close-up show, then dinner followed by a stage show. Since I am new to Pittsburgh no one knew me other than Paul Gertner, who had invited me. Paul was the headliner, so he thought it would be fun to have me come up as an innocent volunteer as part of one of his bits. It was really fun. We planned it so that Paul and I each had a yo-yo, he was telling me how to use the yo-yo to complete the magic trick, and then I showed him up with my yo-yo skills. It was pretty funny. After it was clear that I was a shill, Paul introduced me and I did a routine. It’s always great to be the juggler at a magic show since no one else there does what you do, and thus are not already bored by it.

It’s weird being at a magic show with a bunch of magicians. They don’t clap at the same time as a normal audience. For one thing, they know how a lot of the stuff is done; and for some of the tricks they clap when the secret magician thing is done somewhere in the middle of the trick, not at the ta-da moment at the end when the rest of us clap.

There was a mentalism trick done at one point, where the guy on stage asks for an audience member to pick a “magic” number. Then he takes a marker and fills in some seemingly random numbers into a big 4×4 grid that he is holding. The thing is that the numbers all add up to the “magic” number when you add them together in rows, columns, corners, diagonals, etc. It’s a good trick. What made it totally surreal for me was that as soon as the “magic” number was picked, the guy sitting next to me took out a pencil and his program and started racing the guy on stage to get the numbers of the grid written down. I still don’t know how it’s done (and that’s how I like it), but by itself, the pencil race next to me was really amazing.

My wife and I have moved a lot in the last few years for her job. In each new place we get a new phone number for the land line in our house that I use as a business line. Back in the early 90s, when I used to move every year in college, my roommates and I would get a new phone number at our new place, and almost no one would call unless we gave them the number. Of course there were wrong numbers and telemarketers, but they were pretty few and far between. Now every time Lenore and I get a new number the phone starts ringing as soon as we plug it in… and it’s usually collection agencies.

Back in the era before fax machines and cell phones there was less demand for phone numbers. Most people had one phone number that was shared with their whole family, and another one (or several) at work shared with all their colleagues. Now, not only do individuals often have multiple phone numbers, but they are getting them at an earlier age. Teenagers do love their cell phones.

Also, I have heard that when you disconnect a number, it used to sit idle for a while so that the new owner didn’t get the old number’s calls. But now due to intense demand for numbers, the idle time has been greatly reduced, and they are cycled back into service much sooner.

In our era of decreased personal responsibility and increased personal debt, combined with a rough economy, there are inevitably more people who are living so far above their means that they can’t pay their bills. Here come the collection agencies. Collection must be a huge industry now, so they are using technology to streamline their operations. They now use a recording to call my new house rather than a real person.

The result is an endless barrage of often early-morning calls that don’t even have a person on the other end when I answer. Sometimes it’s a recording asking for someone I’ve never heard of, asking me to “Press 1 if you are… Sylvaniar ******; press 2 if you’re not.” The problem here, is that there is no option for “You have the wrong number” and there is no one there to talk to so I can explain the situation. So if I press 2, they will just call back another time. I hang up.

The one that annoyed me the most so far was a recorded voice that said, “Please hold for an important phone call!”, then made me wait on the line until someone picked up and said,

“May I help you?”
“You called me!”
“May I speak to Sylvaniar?”
“You have the wrong number.”
“Do you know Sylvaniar?”
“I have never even heard of anyone with that name before you started calling me.”
“Ok, thank you.”

Today I was woken up by an early morning call that I didn’t answer because I was sure it was a collection agency. When I checked my voice mail there was a message from “Bob Isaac” with a toll-free number. I was fairly certain that “Bob” didn’t exist, but I called the number in the hopes that I could get them to stop calling me. The first thing that happened was a recording asked me to enter my Social Security number. That was scary. I didn’t do it. I bet a lot of people do though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if identity thieves use the same tactic. Of course it turned out that there was no Bob Isaac, and of course I didn’t know who Evan was, so maybe they will stop calling.

So far I have gotten calls for Sylvaniar, Evan, Linda, and Grace. I wouldn’t have thought that many people could have had this phone number recently enough, and gone into collection, for me to get this many calls… but they did… and that’s the world we now live in.